Many parents and their children find comfort, trust, and special bonding times based on co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is sometimes done when parents of colicky babies or others with attachment needs find more restful nights when allowing the child to co-sleep. Some parents use attachment parenting techniques and co-sleeping is one part of their relationship with their child. Co-sleeping also can be an easy way for nursing mothers to keep their child close for night time feedings and give Mom a better chance for rest. Any of these and more are reasons for co-sleeping, but no matter what the motivation is for this choice, there will eventually become a time for independent sleeping. There are several things parents can do to encourage their children who co-sleep to move to their own rooms and cribs or beds.

When parents make the decision to transition children from co-sleeping to independent sleeping, they need to remember that this will take time. If this is the only way a child has learned to sleep, it will probably take weeks or months to learn a new habit, and it can be a difficult pattern to change. Time and patience are needed to adjust the sleeping patterns peacefully. Some parents choose to wait until their children have fallen asleep in the parents’ beds, and then carry them to their own rooms and beds. Sometimes this will work for children who are deep sleepers, but it can also result in children awakening repeatedly and parents losing sleep, as well as patience.

Parents might have the most success with very small transitional steps, such as bringing the child’s crib, bed, or even a sleeping blanket, into the parent’s room. At first the child doesn’t even need to be encouraged to sleep separately, but instead be shown that the other sleeping place is safe and near Mom or Dad. Some parents might find it easier to encourage children to nap on the child’s bed or in the crib at first, because sometimes daytime sleeping feels safer for children. Then parents can gradually move to separate sleeping at night, staying just within reach of their child.

Independent sleeping can also be achieved when using approaches to make it more comforting and appealing. Special night lights, extra bedtime stories, or favorite stuffed animals tucked in beside the child can provide security and comfort. Establishing routines is key, and centering these new routines away from co-sleeping should be done with positive, reassuring, safe, and peaceful methods. Sometimes the small things like spending an extra 30 minutes reading bedtime stories or snuggling can help to relax the child can help make the transition easier.

Sometimes children who are extremely reluctant to end the co-sleeping might be more motivated when incentives for independent sleeping are in place. A favorite treat in the morning after a night of independent sleeping might motivate some children to stay in their own beds, or for older children it might be a larger token when multiple nights have been successful, possibly including new pajamas, a bedtime book or nightlight, or fun outing for breakfast on the weekend.

It is important for parents to emphasize through this process that the child is not being punished or is unwanted. Instead, the child is growing and becoming such a wonderful little human being that he or she needs to have their own special place to get enough rest to become even stronger. Parents need to focus on the long term goals, have patience, and be consistent and firm, and soon they and their children will have pleasant dreams.

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